Here I am, again, I know I am the reason of your Boredom. I have been filling you with my complaints and sadness for over one year.
But still you know you are my best friend. I don’t know how I am living my life and how am I going to live like this. The suffering is endless.
There is no I one, absolutely no one to hear my screams, hear my pain, hear me…!!! I want to scream out my lungs with the pain I have suffered exactly 1 year from now and the endless pain of this suffering is still killing me now.
Maybe shifting to America from Turkey was the worst thing for me.
My so called mom and dad, are so busy with their lives that they don’t even realized that I have stopped talking from over a year. Despite being in the same home, having dinner at the same table they never noticed me not speaking anything. I guess they never noticed me. I wonder how much time will it take for others to see that I am the person who is dumb despite having a voice and ability to speak.
I haven’t seen a single face for over a year other than my parents and my brother.
And tomorrow is the most horrible day of my life, first day at college.
I will have to be with people again, surrounded by them, targeting at me, making me feel small, making me feel uncomfortable, making me feel like hell.
I won’t talk to anyone there, that’s the only solution, I will just go, attend lectures and come back to my comfortable zone, my bed.
I have to be away from humans as long as I can.
I am going to sleep now, although I know I won’t be, coz like always I am going to be haunted by my nightmares, which I survived for about an year ago at Tuval’s party.
By till my next living day.